Ticking Clock

Have you ever felt like the universe has subtly shifted, and things are going to be different now?



I was walking home the other night and decided not to wait for the lights, but to walk up and cross when the traffic slowed, which it always does.  This time, as I stood between two cars waiting for the slow time, I felt uncommonly nervous.   There were a lot of cars, more than usual, and the wait was getting longer than I expected.   Something tickled at the back of my neck; maybe one of these cars was going to blow a tire, or change lanes into the parked cars...and that car would ricochet, bounce the parked car forward and pin my legs.  Just like that, my number would be up. I could see it.  It all unfolded in my mind's eye.  I stepped back onto the curb, and considered my response.

I've always taken risks and safe choices confidently, playing the odds.  If 200 out of 100,000 speeding drivers got ticketed, I always felt that I was happily included with the 99,800 who weren't ticketed.  I usually drive 10 to 15 kilometers above speed limit, and never a ticket.  Until recently.  Then suddenly, three tickets in three years.  Killed my insurance rate.  But, what I don't understand is that I wasn't driving any differently than I had before, so why all of a sudden was I getting ticketed like crazy ( one was for 6 kilometers over the limit).   

And then it dawned on me.   The odds.  The odds were shifting.   Out of my favour.  No longer was I in the 99,800.   Now I was in the 200 group.  

So, is this how it works?  Is this how you suddenly get cancer, after being cancer-free all of your life?   Is this how a car bounces up and hits you, crippling you?   Is this how it happens?  

The odds.  The odds definitely favour the young and inexperienced.  It's called beginner's luck.  Really,  it's fewer exposures to activities.

I drove the highway for years.  Every morning, I'd merge onto the QEW, travel along at 100 - 120 kmh, merge onto the 427 and drive to Dixon.   There and back.  Every day.   I remember thinking, oh, this can't be good.... I'm starting to play the odds here.... the more times I drive, the higher chance I have of having an accident.   And then it happened.

A truck driver fell asleep at the wheel and drifted into my car.  His truck scraped my car from the back all the way to the front, tearing off my mirror as he pushed my car into the shoulder.   I laid on the horn.  That, and the sound of scraping metal, woke him up and he pulled away just as my car was being pushed into the guardrail.

I was nervous about driving after that. My husband said, "Well, now that you've had an accident, that'll lessen the odds for you for a couple of years.  You've had it...it's done for now. "  Keeping that in mind definitely helped as I headed back onto the highway. 

And now, after forty years of ticket-free driving, I've had three tickets in three years.  Bing.  Bang. Bong.

The odds.  Can I relax?   Have my three tickets pushed me back into the 99,800 group?   I don't know.  I do know that I can't afford another ticket.  No way.   So, now it's everything I can do to follow these ridiculously posted speed limits... for cripe's sake, how can anyone drive 30 kph on an empty road?  Better yet... 40 kph on a two-lane stretch alongside a graveyard without traffic lights, intersections, or even pedestrians.    

While the odds may have shifted back for tickets, I fear they're shifting for other things.   I've been cancer-free, illness-free, broken-bone free and Alzheimer-free all of my life.   Is that where the shift is going next?   How do you know?   Can you take your continuing good health for granted ever?  

A neighbour once said, "Any day above ground, and in your right mind is a good day."  I laughed when she said it.   But now.... 

How do you know when the odds shift?

Not knowing is a b****h. .

Best take all those vacations now.   Before my number is really up.